Creating the FALSE SELF
I know that every master that walked this earth told us that God is within, that we must first honor ourselves before we can share love with someone else. For many of us, self love seems impossible, we are so full of self hatred because of all the programs that we picked up in our life. We weren’t wise enough for our parents, we weren’t smart enough for our teachers, we weren’t beautiful enough for our partners, we weren’t crazy enough for our friends…So we grew up thinking that we are so messed up, it is impossible for anyone to love us the way we are.
But we do want us to be loved, don’t we? Than we must be the way people want us to be, in order for them to like and love us! So we developed this strategy to become the image that the others want to see. We’ve hidden our true self so deep that no one will ever see our true nature and we have a closet with so many masks that we use for different occasions. We even learned to mach them with our clothes so that people buy into our little trick. We became chameleons, pretending all the time that we are different. And every time we look in the mirror we tell ourselves who we are, how we feel, what we do, and we look deep into our eyes at that scared child and we tell him “and You, YOU stay there! Don’t you dare come out! Everyone hates you! I hate you!”….
And we live like this and change partners without understanding what is wrong and why are we so unhappy.
Taking the mask off
Something wonderful happened to me at this point. I met HER. You know HER! You can call her my soul mate, my twin flame, the one that loves me no matter how and what…And i love her the same way.
And so we start a conscious relationship in which we no longer have to wear masks, we are truly honest with each-other and to our self. The only times when we don’t get along is when one of us is trying to bring old masks back.
We begin to heal old wounds and we treat each other with kindness and compassion, we allow each other to feel and manifest himself.
And we grow together and we evolve. We show each other that you can be loved for who you really are, and you are respected and appreciated for that.
At this point in time we dig up a lot of traumas from our lives, a lot of wounds that we did not know they were there or that we thought we healed over time…I won’t talk about them now because they are not relevant to the topic.
But i will talk about one important point in a conscious couple’s timeline.
Your love is not enough
There comes a point when your partners love is not all that you need. Sure, it’s great to be loved, but it’s not enough. I found out about this sitting with HER in our bed, like so many times before. This time it was different, i didn’t want to feel her arms around my body, i didn’t want to feel her kisses and her warm hugs. I didn’t know why and i admit it felt scary. I was afraid i lost the connection with the love of my life. But then, something weird happened, i started touching my skin gently. My body was feeling this touch so deeply, it felt so comforting, like a mother’s touch. She started to do the same. We were so surprised to feel this new sensation…it was exactly what we needed at this point in time. And then i understood.
Your partner can show you how you deserve to be loved, but it’s your job to love yourself. You need this self love so much in order to open up to someone else. We got very far together, but at this point it is impossible to go further without loving and accepting ourselves. It wasn’t something we wanted to do, or exercised for it. It came naturally. Our body oped up to our touches and we felt this great love opening our hearts, we felt that love was pouring from inward for the first time. Then and only then we were able to get close with each other. It was incredible. Every touch of our partner’s body felt so intense, the touch worked both ways. We were giving and receiving in the same time. We felt complete, united in the synergy of our embrace. For the first time we allowed ourselves to feel the pleasure of giving.
This was a valuable lesson that allowed us to move forward and gave us great insight in how love works in a conscious relationship.
I know many people say that you have to love yourself first and only then you can love others…but what if you don’t know how to love yourself, what if you don’t feel you deserve to be loved, unconsciously. You can stay in the mirror for hours and repeat “i love you” if you don’t feel it or mean it. We first showed our partner how he (she) deserves to be loved, and how we would like to be loved ourselves and then it came…naturally.
This is what we experienced inside our couple and it was intense! I know self love comes to people in different ways, this was our way and we are grateful for it!